Confusion...

Who am I?
I always seemed to know, but now I am so unsure. The last week has made me long to be young again, it has come to the point where I would rather be beaten by my father every single day than to suffer this any longer. I have seen what used to be my core personality being split in several directions. My logical mind has been gaining more and more control over me, most likely to protect my psyche from being shredded by my inner conflict.
I want to say no, but I want it to be yes. Without her, I have no life.
I am convinced that her answer is ultimately going fo be no, all evidence points towards it.
Just to ventilate my thougts, I will write all my doubts here. None of them matters anymore on the jealousy front, but I have to appease my logical mind to gain some resemblance of self-control:
She wore the engagement ring until a few days ago, what caused her to stop wearing it, I can only speculate.
She refuses to tell him of our past relationship, despite my pleas, and iith no legitimate reason. She used to tell me that it was only business, but as far I know there is no longer any business involved.
She tests my jealousy, something only good for giving me jealousy where there was none.
I have yet again lost trust in her when it comes to this, but she caused this entirely by herself.
I hate her more often than I love her because of this confusion, but I know that the hatred is not real yet, it is only self-defense so far.
I have observed this culture and society long enough to know the basics of what is acceptable, and what is not.
I know that what she has been doing is not acceptable by a long shot.
It is not acceptable to spend so much time with your ex without at the very least informing said ex of her current relationship status. Not to mention the fact that the ex is still madly in love with her, and she has admitted on several occasions that she still loves him. No matter what she has said after that statement, the seed has been planted.
After she started spending time with him despite the fact ...