Unworthy...

I wish you to be dead. I want you to burn for your sins, you vile, evil bitch. You have no loyalty whatsoever, and completely lack honesty. You are a filthy, self-righteous, whore. You have done nothing but cause me pain and anguish since I met you. Wait until Tim learns the truth of your infidelity. I will reveal everything to everyone around you until you have no choice but to be honest. If you continue on the path you have set for yourself, you will die a very lonely crotchety old hag. With a bent back. You deserve noyhing better than a painful, lonely death.

Enough!

I will not let you keep hurting me like this! I am going to assume that you have no feelings for me anymore, and that it is truly over between us. You are my one and true weakness. You only keep wounding me. I can't seem to stop the bleeding, what you are playing at, I don't understand. Why you keep me on hold, I don't know.
Do you find pleasure in killing me, one blow at a time. Or do you just not care? You don't seem to like to be with me, you would rather be with that cocksucker, than me. Great.
Fine, I know now where you stand.
I have no doubt you will invite him to your bed, maybe not for the first time either. Maybe you do care about me, but only when your bored. You seem to forget all about me when you're with one of your "friends"
What kind of girl cares more about he friends than the guy she supposedly loves? It's not right, the way you treat me. You keep neglecting me. You keep sabotaging any chance for a relationship between us. You don't fight for it, you never have.
You have ignored my pleas for help. Why are you such an asshole to me? Have I done something so terrible to you, to deserve this?

Honestly...

I have a lot of emotional problems right now, there is one that bothers me more than any other... I have been in a lack of courage to write, say or ask about it, as it scares me beyond belief. It's the tought of losing someone close to me. Again.
I am writing about it today, because someone else, more concerned, wrote about it. It gives me some courage.
The fucking c-word. It has affected someone I love more than life itself.
It is the greatest cause of my depression the latest few weeks. It frustrates me to no end to have something like that happen and not be allowed to be there to help in anyway. I fear I take out my irritation where it does certainly not belong. I just want to help, and see that I can be of help. Instead of sitting here day in and day out feeling worthless. Mixed with my strong feelings of jealousy and disappointment, this can be dangerous. I may end up causing more damage than I can repair.
I am lost as to what I should do, what I can do. I feel like I am in the way, constantly ruining the life of the concerned... Love is incredibly annoying at times, but that one kiss can make it all worth it.
You're perfect, wonderful and pure divine. I love you.

All I Needed...

All I needed when I came back today was a hug. Maybe a kiss. All I wanted was you time. Not useless drabble about Tim. I needed you to show that you cared. I didn't want the tell me or fuck you attitude. I needed please tell me or tell me anyway because I eant to know. I needed to know that you didn't mean to do what you did on saturday. I need you to be sorry that you weren't there for me. I need you.
You're the one person I can talk to. Becuuse I love you. I need oou to be sensitive. I am so fragile right now. I need to talk to you about it, but only if you care.

Lonely...

For the first time ever, I feel that I am all alone in the world. The one person I thought I could talk to about at least some of my problems, abandoned me. I needed her, and she completely disregarded it.
I have finally found her pattern. I am only of interest to her when she doesn't have more interesting friends around her. She seems unwilling to waste any energy on rekindling our relationship. She still hasn't given me an answer. She is the one person on earth that can make me feel like a drooling idiot. She is more important to me than any friend. This is the way a relationship should work. She values any one of her friends more than me. How does she expect me to remain stable when she only gives me the stick, completely leaving out the carrot. I am unmotivated to let her see who I am anymore, as she continues to block me out of her life.
I am deserving of her love, this, I know. The problem lies with her, not with me. I am willing to give myself to her completely, this, I have made clear. She betrayed my trust yesterday, and I can't seem to find a reason to forgive her. There is none. She is not the girl I fell in love with. I barely get a shred of the affection I so crave from her. Why am I still waiting for her answer? Why have I not moved on? I'll tell you why: I. Fucking. Love. Her.
I have given her my heart and my life. What becomes of me is her choice.
I need her to be more mature. I need her to realize who I am. I know that I can be the perfect guy for her, if she would just give me the chance.
Stop torturing me. Let me down or let me in. I love you...

Scars...

I can't count on you to be there for me. You proved that to me today. I told you yesterday how I felt, and you seemed to care at the moment. Thus morning you said that you would call me later. Did you? No. Not a single word from you. You even fucking ignored my messages. I have had a horrible day, I have wept like a little baby. And when I finally get the guts to tell you tath I needed you, you asked me to call. I did. You were with that guy again. Not fucking joybringing behaviour, Is it? And when I was hoping to get at least a shred of the support I needed from you, you put him on the phone. You heartless, heartless girl. Haven't I always tried to be there for you? Haven't I showed you enough love? Why do you even pretend to care? I didn't even get an apology. I try and try to repair whatever relationship we had, and what do I get in return? Betrayal. Abandonment.
Just give me my answer! I'm through with this pointless charade. I have tried tirelessly to be perfect for you, to earn a place as your boyfriend. But everytime I fish for som emotion concerning me, you put me down like a diseased rat. You continuessly neglect me. You show no appreciation for my undying love.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???
What can I possibly do to make you happy? Answer me! You know very well what I am unhappy with about you. This is obviously not a mutual love. I am starved of energy, motivation and love. I'm running on the fumes of my last hope. Show me where this is going. Is it a dead end? Or is there something to fight for? Because I really feel like giving up now. Give me a reason to stay.

Lucky, Lucky Bastard...

Even though things haven't exactly worked out, I am still glad I met you. Glad I fell in love with you.
After all the heartbreak and depression you have put me through and still are, I'm still happy for the short periods with you. I have grown to revere every hug I get, as that might be the sole source of affection I recieve from you.
Even though it may not be any kind of love in your eyes, I have learned to live in my own fantasy at times. Everytime you hug me, I pretend everything is as before, when there was romance between us. When I was allowed to show som love and be appreciated. Maybe you take me for granted, Maybe you just do not care.
Either way, it's painful for me to think about it. I want you back. Now. I don't want to move away from you. My last sliver of hope is fading, fast. Spark it back to life or extinguish it. Just know that I love you with all my cold heart. You are the vertex of my life. Love, yours.

Unbelievable...

Why do you keep doing this to me? Do you get some sick, sadistic pleasure from my pain? It is quite obvious that you have your mind made up. Why do you keep fucking around with my emotions? What have I done to make you hate me so much!? Why can you not let me love me? Am I not worthy of your love? Am I just a toy to you? Something you can throw at the wall at your any whim? Why???
I want to care for you, care for your son. I do not want to lose the chance to know him just because you are to stupid to see that I am worthy of your love. I am worthy. But if you just do not have feelings for me anymore you have to say so. I have to know what to do... I love you so much, it hurts me to know that you no longer have any feelings for me. But I dare not let you go just in case you change your mind about me. You have to let me know where the boundaries are. I miss your love so much. You are perfect for me if you would love me, this, I know.