Thursday, July 7, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
No more...
I am sick and tired of this blog. I doubt I will upload any new posts in the near future. I am tired of whining and opening up here. I'm running on fumes as it is, I don't need to waste any more energy on this blog.
I need every last bit of energy I can muster to keep up the fake smiles and laughter. I will not show anyone how I truly feel. I am in a pitiful state of weakness, and I hate it. I am back at the point where everything just seems pointless again. I find myself thinking "why the hell am I doing this? I hate it!" every few hours of everyday. I am a wreck. I just feel alone. You were the power that drove me to care about myself. I guess I will have to try to do something about this pitiful existance of mine. Not suicide though, but I am not ruling anything out. The last five months of my life have been a nightmare most foul. But yet I fought on, delusioned as I was. The butterfly effect couldn't be more obvious. From now on, I will only spend energy on what I consider important. There is only one thing that I know to be a constant in me: To live, I need someone to share my life and love with. I will not send any messages to you. I still doubt that you want to hear from me.
I will let you take the initiative.
I don't know what to do, I am more confused now than ever. Most things are crystal-clear, but my next course of action and behaviour is hazy. I try my best to keep my promises. I will try to survive the passage of time for now, but I can not hold out for long.
I need help. Badly.
I need every last bit of energy I can muster to keep up the fake smiles and laughter. I will not show anyone how I truly feel. I am in a pitiful state of weakness, and I hate it. I am back at the point where everything just seems pointless again. I find myself thinking "why the hell am I doing this? I hate it!" every few hours of everyday. I am a wreck. I just feel alone. You were the power that drove me to care about myself. I guess I will have to try to do something about this pitiful existance of mine. Not suicide though, but I am not ruling anything out. The last five months of my life have been a nightmare most foul. But yet I fought on, delusioned as I was. The butterfly effect couldn't be more obvious. From now on, I will only spend energy on what I consider important. There is only one thing that I know to be a constant in me: To live, I need someone to share my life and love with. I will not send any messages to you. I still doubt that you want to hear from me.
I will let you take the initiative.
I don't know what to do, I am more confused now than ever. Most things are crystal-clear, but my next course of action and behaviour is hazy. I try my best to keep my promises. I will try to survive the passage of time for now, but I can not hold out for long.
I need help. Badly.
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